If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I lost the right to judge tonight
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