Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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