It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Boobs are out for the taking
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize