dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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