well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
