Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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