why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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