we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
