She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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