I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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