my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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