Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
