i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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