you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hippo gnu deer
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
