I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
