Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
