You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I bet he comes in French.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
false alarm, still single
Randomize