no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
