Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
