just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
