mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
