I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
