Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
