he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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