he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
