Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
