he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
