i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
