the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
