Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
