She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
