The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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