the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
