GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
