He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Im part way to drunk.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
