Your face is a jimmy john
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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