Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
