I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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