You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
