Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
