Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
