I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize