Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
