We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
