Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the room spins SO much faster in panama
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
