omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
