I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
