I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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