Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
