yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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