and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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