peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
