Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
