I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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