Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
