**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
