I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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