So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
