If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
