and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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