so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
