mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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