yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize