I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
