perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
