im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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