Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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