Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
